Promo & Giveaway: Letting Go by Molly McAdams
Letting Go
by
Molly McAdams
Synopsis
The New York Times and USA Today bestselling New Adult author returns with a sizzling novel of love, loss, guilt, and forgiveness.
Grey and Ben fell in love at thirteen and believed they’d be together forever. But three days before their wedding, the twenty-year-old groom-to-be suddenly died from an unknown heart condition, destroying his would-be-bride’s world. If it hadn’t been for their best friend, Jagger, Grey never would have made it through those last two years to graduation. He’s the only one who understands her pain, the only one who knows what it’s like to force yourself to keep moving when your dreams are shattered. Jagger swears he’ll always be there for her, but no one has ever been able to hold on to him. He’s not the kind of guy to settle down.
It’s true that no one has ever been able to keep Jagger—because he’s only ever belonged to Grey. While everyone else worries over Grey’s fragility, he’s the only one who sees her strength. Yet as much as he wants Grey, he knows her heart will always be with Ben. Still they can’t deny the heat that is growing between them—a passion that soon becomes too hot to handle. But admitting their feelings for each other means they’ve got to face the past. Is being together what Ben would have wanted . . . or a betrayal of his memory that will eventually destroy them both?
It’s true that no one has ever been able to keep Jagger—because he’s only ever belonged to Grey. While everyone else worries over Grey’s fragility, he’s the only one who sees her strength. Yet as much as he wants Grey, he knows her heart will always be with Ben. Still they can’t deny the heat that is growing between them—a passion that soon becomes too hot to handle. But admitting their feelings for each other means they’ve got to face the past. Is being together what Ben would have wanted . . . or a betrayal of his memory that will eventually destroy them both?
Prologue
Grey
May
10, 2012
“Then
over there is where the girls and I will be waiting before the
ceremony starts,” I said, pointing to the all-seasons tent just off
to the side. “I think the coordinator said she’d get us in there
when the photographer is taking pictures of Ben and the boys on the
other side house, so he won’t see me.”
I
glanced to my mom and soon-to-be mother-in-law talking about the
gazebo behind me, and what it would look like with the greenery and
flowers, and I smiled to myself. They’d been going back and forth
on whether we should keep the gazebo as it was or decorate it ever
since Ben and I had decided on The Lake House as our wedding and
reception site. And from the few words I was hearing now, they were
still undecided. I honestly didn’t care how it was decorated. I
wanted to be married to Ben, and in three days, I would be.
“Grey,
this place is freaking gorgeous.
I can’t believe you were able to get it on such short notice,” my
maid-of-honor and best friend, Janie, said in awe.
“I
know, but it’s perfect, right?”
“Absolutely
perfect.”
I
grabbed her hand and rested my head on her shoulder as I stared at
the part of the property where the reception would be. Ben and I had
promised our families that we wouldn’t get married until we’d
graduated from college, but that had been a much harder promise to
keep than we’d thought it would be. School let out for summer a few
days ago, and we wanted to move off campus for our junior year …
together. That hadn’t exactly gone over well with my parents. They
didn’t want us living together until we were married. I think in my
dad’s mind it helped him continue to believe I was his innocent
little girl.
I’d
been dating Ben since I was thirteen years old; the innocent part
flew out the window over three years ago. Not that he needed to know
that. After a long talk with both our parents, they agreed to let us
get married now instead of two years from now.
That
was seven weeks ago. Even though Ben had asked me to marry him last
Christmas, we’d officially gotten engaged once we’d received the
okay from our parents, and had started planning our wedding
immediately. Seven weeks of being engaged. Seven years of being
together. And in three days I would finally be Mrs. Benjamin Craft.
With
how the last few weeks had dragged by, it felt like our
day
would never get here.
My
phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket. My lips tilted up when I
saw Jagger’s name and face on the screen, but I ignored the call.
Putting my phone back in my pocket, I kept my other hand firmly
wrapped around Janie’s and walked over to where the rest of the
bridesmaids were. My aunts and grandma had gathered around the
gazebo-debating duo, and were helping them with the pros and cons.
“So
what are we going to do tonight?” I asked, hoping to get some kind
of information about the bachelorette party.
“Nice
try.” Janie snorted. She started saying something else, but my
phone rang again.
Glancing
down and seeing Jagger again, I thought about answering it for a few
seconds before huffing out a soft laugh and ignoring the call a
second time. I knew why he was calling. He was bored out of his mind
and wanted me to save him from the golf day Ben and all the guys were
having before the bachelor party. Normally I would have saved him
from the torture of golfing, but today was about Ben. If he wanted to
go golfing with all his guys, then Jagger just had to suck it up for
his best friend.
Almost
immediately after ignoring the call, I got a text from him.
Jagger:
Answer the goddamn phone Grey!
My
head jerked back when the phone in my hand began ringing just as soon
as I’d read the message, and all I could do was stare at it for a
few seconds. A feeling of dread and unease formed in my chest,
quickly unfurling and spreading through my arms and stomach.
Some
part of my mind registered two other ringtones, but I couldn’t
focus on them, or make myself look away from Jagger’s lopsided
smile on my screen. With a shaky finger, I pressed on the green
button, and brought the phone up to my ear.
Before
I could say anything, his panicked voice filled the phone.
“Grey?
Grey! Are you there? Fuck, Grey, say something so I know you’re
there!”
There
was a siren and yelling in the background, and the feeling that had
spread through my body now felt like it was choking me. I didn’t
know what was happening, but somehow … somehow I knew my entire
world was about to change. My legs started shaking and my breaths
came out in hard rushes.
“I—what’s
happ—” I cut off quickly and turned to look at my mom and Ben’s.
Both had phones to their ears. Ben’s mom was screaming with tears
falling down her cheeks; my mom looked like the ground had just been
ripped out from underneath her.
Jagger
was talking, I knew his voice was loud and frantic, but I was having
trouble focusing on the words. It sounded like he was yelling at me
from miles away.
“What?”
I whispered.
Everyone
around me was freaking out, trying to figure out what was going on.
One of my friends was asking who I was talking to, but I couldn’t
even turn to look at her, or be sure who it was that had asked. I
couldn’t take my eyes off the only other women currently talking on
a phone.
“Grey!
Tell me where you are, I’m coming to get you!”
I
blinked a few times and looked down at my lap. I was sitting on the
ground. When had I sat down?
Janie
squatted in front of me and grabbed my shoulders to shake me before
grabbing my cheeks so I would look at her instead of where my mom and
Ben’s were clinging to each other.
“What?”
I repeated, my voice barely audible.
Just
before Janie took the phone from me, I heard a noise that sounded
weighted and pained. A choking sound I’d never heard from Jagger in
the eleven years we’d been friends. The grief in it was enough to
force a sharp cry from my own chest, and I didn’t even struggle
against Janie when she took the phone from me.
I
didn’t understand anything that was happening around me, but
somehow I knew everything. A part of me had heard Jagger’s words. A
part of me understood what the horrified cries meant that quickly
spread throughout every one of my friends. My family. Ben’s family.
A part of me acknowledged the sense of loss that had added to the
dread, unease, and grief—and knew why it was there.
A
part of me knew the wedding I’d just been envisioning would never
happen.
Chapter
1
Two
years later…
Grey
May
10, 2014
I
dressed in a fog and sat down on the side of my bed when I was done.
Grabbing the hard top of the graduation cap, I looked down at it in
my hands until the tears filling my eyes made it impossible to see
anything other than blurred shapes. I knew I had to leave, but at
that moment I didn’t care.
I
didn’t care that I’d done my make up for the first time in two
years and I was ruining it. I didn’t care that I was graduating
from college. I didn’t care that I had already been running twenty
minutes late before I’d sat down.
I
just didn’t care.
Falling
to my side, I grabbed the necklace that hadn’t left my neck once in
the last couple years, and pulled it out from under my shirt until I
was gripping the wedding band I’d bought for Ben. The one he should
be wearing, but I hadn’t been able to part with—almost like I’d
needed to keep some part of him with me.
The
last year had been easier to get through than the one before it. I
hadn’t needed my friends constantly trying to get me to do my
schoolwork. I hadn’t needed Janie pulling me out of bed every
morning, forcing me to shower and dress for the day. I’d even taken
off my engagement ring and put it away a few months ago. But exactly
two years ago today, I’d been showing off the place where I was
going to marry Ben. Completely oblivious to anything bad in the
world. And Ben had died.
At
twenty years old, his heart had failed and he’d died before he’d
even dropped to the ground on the golf course. He’d always seemed
so active and healthy; nothing had ever picked up on the rare heart
condition that had taken him too early. Doctors said it wasn’t
something they could test for. I didn’t believe them then, and even
though I’d read news articles of similar deaths in young people, I
wasn’t sure if I did now. All I knew was that he was gone.
Heavy
footsteps echoed through the hall of my apartment seconds before
Jagger was standing in the doorway of my bedroom, a somber look on
his face.
“How
did I know you wouldn’t have made it out of here?” One corner of
his mouth twitched up before falling again.
“I
can’t do it,” I choked out, and tightened my hold on the ring.
“How am I supposed to celebrate anything on a day that brought so
much pain?”
Jagger
took in a deep breath through his nose before releasing it and
pushing away from the doorframe. Taking the few steps over to the
bed, he sat down by my feet and stared straight ahead as silence
filled the room.
“I
honestly don’t know, Grey,” he finally said with a small shrug.
“The only way I made it to my car and your apartment was because I
knew Ben wanted this, and would still want it for us.”
“He
was supposed to be here,” I mumbled.
“I
know.”
“Our
two-year anniversary would have been in a few days.”
There
was a long pause before Jagger breathed, “I know.”
I
stopped myself before I could go on. Nothing I would say right now
would help either of us, not when all I wanted to do was curl up in a
ball on the bed that was supposed to be our
bed,
and give into the grief. I had to remember that today wasn’t hard
for only me. I hadn’t been the only one to lose him. Ben and Jagger
had grown up together; they’d been best friends since they were
six. And two years ago they’d been in the middle of a conversation
when Jagger had looked over at Ben because he hadn’t answered, and
watched as he fell.
“Jag?”
I whispered.
“Yeah,
Grey?”
“How
do we do it?”
The
bed shifted as he leaned forward to rest his forearms on his legs,
turning his head so he could look at me. “Do what?”
“Keep
moving on. I thought this year was easier, I thought I was doing
better until this last week. And then today…” I drifted off,
letting the words hang in the air for a few seconds before saying,
“It’s like no time has passed. It’s like I’m right back where
I was when you picked me up and took me to the hospital. I feel like
my world has ended all over again. There are still some days where I
don’t want to get out of bed, but not like this.”
“There
isn’t an answer to that. Even if there were, it would be different
for you, for me, for anyone else who’d ever been in this situation.
I get up and keep going because I know I have something to live for,
and I know it’s what he would want. I can’t think about how I’ll
deal with the next day, I just take each day as it comes. There will
always be hard days, Grey, always. We just need to take them with the
good days, and keep living.”
“I
feel like it’s cruel to his memory to move on,” I admitted softly
a few minutes later.
“No
one ever said we had to move on, we just need to keep moving.”
I
met his gaze and held it as he stood up and turned, holding a hand
out to me.
“You
ready to move?” he asked, and the meaning in his question was
clear.
“No,”
I replied, but still held my hand out. Slipping my hand into his, I
let him pull me off the bed, and wrapped my arms around his waist,
dropping my head onto his chest.
Jagger
folded his arms around me, and brought his head down near mine to
speak softly in my ear. “Don’t think about next week, or
tomorrow, or even tonight. Just focus on your right
now.
Right now we have to go to our graduation. Right now Ben would be
flipping out because you would be making both of you late.”
I
choked out a laugh, and a deep laugh rumbled in his chest.
“And
you would tell him?” His question drifted off, waiting for my
response.
“To
get over it and bet him twenty bucks that we would still beat you
there.”
This
time his laugh was fuller, and he rubbed his hands over my back
before stepping away from me. “Exactly. Then he would put an extra
twenty on it, saying I would show up with fresh charcoal on my
hands.”
“And
face,” I added.
Jagger
rolled his eyes. “That was one time.”
“It
was to your mom’s wedding.”
“I
didn’t like the guy anyway.” I smiled and his eyes darted over my
face before he held his hands up. “No fresh charcoal, and we’ll
show up at the same time. So no one wins today.”
I
took a deep breath in and out, and nodded my head. “I think I’m
ready to move now.”
“All
right.” He bent forward and grabbed my cap and gown off the bed
before turning to leave the room.
I
followed him down the hall and into the living room, pausing in the
entryway only long enough to look in the mirror and wipe away the
streaked make up. Once we were in his car, I touched his forearm and
waited for him to look over at me.
“Thanks,
Jagger. For coming for me, for talking to me—just … thank you.”
He had no idea how thankful I was for him, and I wouldn’t have
known how to explain it if I tried. He was just always there to make
things better, always there to help me … always there to be
everything I needed.
He
shook his head slowly once, and his green eyes stayed locked on mine.
“Sometimes I need motivation to keep moving too. You don’t need
to thank me, just let me know when you have to talk about him, okay?”
“Yeah.”
Letting go of his arm, I sat back in the seat and grabbed the long
chain holding Ben’s wedding band on it. Taking comfort in the feel
of it in my palm, and the knowledge that he would be proud of Jagger
and me right now.
I
made it through the graduation without crying again, but I never felt
like I was happy that it was happening. Even though Jagger had gotten
me to a point where I’d been smiling and laughing, the second he’d
left my side when we’d arrived, I’d fallen back into a state
where I was constantly on the verge of crumbling from the grief of
what today was. Only to be made worse when Janie had hugged me longer
than normal, and then I’d seen my parents and older brother, and
none of them had been able to force anything more than a strained
smile and “congratulations.”
Lunch
afterward didn’t prove to be much easier for anyone. One of my
uncles mentioned the date and asked how I was dealing with it, and it
had turned into some awkward hush-fest where everyone started kicking
the other under the table, and giving them meaningful looks as if to
say: shut
the fuck up!
For the next forty-five minutes, no one said a word. Not even a thank
you to the waitress when she’d brought the food.
As
much as I hated it, and as much as I loved my family, I was relieved
when we’d said our goodbyes and my brother had driven me back to my
apartment.
“You
doing okay, kid?” he asked when he pulled into a parking space.
“Some
days.”
“But
not today.” It wasn’t a question, he knew.
“Yeah
… not today,” I said softly.
“Do
you want me to come up? I can hang out, crash here for the night, and
head back tomorrow.”
“No,
it’s fine. I didn’t really sleep last night, so I’ll probably
go to bed when I get in there.”
“Grey,
it’s four in the afternoon.” He looked at me with either pity or
sympathy, neither I wanted to see.
“Today
was kind of rough, it felt like three smashed into one, and like I
said, I didn’t really sleep last night. I’m tired.”
He
was silent for a minute before he twisted in his seat to face me.
“I’m worried about you.”
I
gritted my teeth and took calming breaths before saying, “You
shouldn’t be. It’s been two years, I’m getting better.”
“Are
you?” he asked on a laugh, but there was no humor in his tone. “I
knew today would be hard for you, there’s no way for it not to be.
But, shit, how much do you weigh?”
I
jerked my head back. “What? I don’t know.”
“Do
you look at yourself in the mirror? Do you see how you look in your
clothes? You look like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes, and
they’re a size or two too big.”
Glancing
down at my shirt and skirt, I shook my head. “No they—well, I’m
eating! You saw me at lunch, I ate half that burger.”
“No,
Grey. I
ate
half your burger. You picked it up and put it down at least a dozen
times before cutting it in half, and then picking up one of the
halves only to put it back down. I watched you. You ate two fries.
Nothing else.”
I
tried to think back to the restaurant, but I couldn’t even remember
ordering the burger, let alone cutting it. I just remembered half of
it was gone when the waitress asked if I wanted a box. I’d said no.
As for the clothes, today was the first time I’d actually done my
hair or make-up in years. I usually just put on clothes and left, not
caring to see how I looked.
“Well,
what do you want me to say, Graham? I’m trying.
You have no idea how hard it is to lose someone who has been a huge
part of your world for over half your life. Who has owned your heart
for most of that. Who you were supposed to marry days
before
they passed! You don’t understand what I’ve been through,” I
seethed, and wiped at my wet cheeks. “I finished school, I’m
living, what more do you want?”
“I
want you to live, Grey.”
“I
just said—”
“You’re
existing,” he barked, cutting me off. “You’re existing, not
living.
You’re going through the motions you’re supposed to without
realizing that you’re doing them, or why.”
“That’s
not true!” I screamed. “You can’t judge me based on what you’ve
seen of half a day. A day that is a horrible reminder of what
happened.”
He
grabbed my hand and squeezed, and when he spoke again, his voice was
calm. “Kid, I’m not saying any of this only
based
off of what I’ve seen today. Janie’s worried about you—”
“Janie?
Janie?! You’re having my friends keep tabs on me, Graham?”
“Grey—”
“How
often do they check in with you? Huh? Do they only see me now so they
can
tell
you how I’m doing? Because I don’t see them very much, but, then
again, who the hell would want to be around someone who is just
existing.”
“Grey!”
he snapped when I opened the passenger door and jumped out of his
truck.
“Screw
you and your existing
bullshit,
Graham! I’m fine! I’m dealing the only way I know how, and I. Am.
Fine.”
I
didn’t care that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t
care that I was overreacting. I was overreacting because I was
terrified he was right, and I didn’t want him to be. I was tired of
everyone looking at me with sympathy or pity. I was tired of rooms
getting quiet when I walked into them … still.
I was tired of the way everyone seemed to walk on eggshells around
me. And I was tired of feeling like I was giving them a reason to.
I
took off for my building, ignoring Graham’s voice as he followed me
from his truck. Grabbing my keys from my purse as I ran toward my
apartment, I fumbled to find the right key so I could get in there
before he could catch up with me. The keys slipped from my hand, and
I reached out for them at the same time I tripped out of my sandals
and hit the concrete on my hands and knees.
Ignoring
the spilled contents of my purse, I rocked back so I was sitting on
my heels, and let my head hang as hard sobs worked their way through
my body.
Two
large hands grabbed at my upper arms to help me up, and I swatted at
him. “Leave me alone, Graham!” I cried.
“Shh.
It’s okay,” a deep voice crooned. I lifted my head enough to see
Jagger before letting him pull me into his arms. “It’s okay.”
I
pressed my forehead into his chest, and shook my head back and forth.
“It’s not. This day won’t end, and the way everyone is looking
at me or talking to me is making me feel like I’m failing.”
“Failing?”
he asked and tipped my head back, a soft smirk playing at his lips.
“Hardly, Grey. I told you, you just gotta keep moving, and you are.
You have been. You’re strong, not everyone sees that because
they’re waiting for you to break. Just because they’re expecting
you to not be handling this doesn’t mean you’re failing.”
“But
they won’t talk about him, they won’t talk about what happened.
Graham said I’m not eating, and I’m losing weight. He said
Janie’s telling him that she’s worried about me. He said I’m
just existing and going through the motions.”
“Fuck
Graham. He’s wrong. He’s not with you every day to see how you’re
improving.” Jagger’s green eyes bore into mine. “Your family
hasn’t seen you much this year while you’ve been getting better,
so they don’t know how to handle the situation—especially because
of what today is and the fact that you are upset. He’s your
brother, he’s going to be worried about you; but, Grey, don’t let
him make you feel like you’re not doing better than you should be.
Today is an exception. And he just happened to see you on
an
exception, all right?” His arms tightened around me, and he leaned
back until he was pressed up against the wall. “You’re doing
fine, I promise.”
He
held me until I stopped crying, and released me when I pulled back.
“See?
Fine.”
Today
was making me question everything; I didn’t think I could agree
with him on that. “What are you even doing here?”
“I
thought you could use some company since it’s an exception day, but
I’m gonna go so you can spend time with your brother,” he said,
jerking his head at something behind me.
I
looked over my shoulder to see Graham standing against the wall
opposite us, his arms crossed over his chest, a strange look on his
face. “How long has he been there?” I whispered to Jagger when I
turned to face him again.
“The
whole time.”
“So
he heard you…” I had the sudden urge to stand up for Jagger.
Graham had hated him ever since we’d become friends when we were
nine. But, then again, he hadn’t really ever liked Ben until right
before the wedding was supposed to happen, so it could have been an
overprotective big brother thing.
“Yeah,
but he knows I’m right.” Jagger’s eyes moved to look behind me,
and one eyebrow rose in silent challenge, but Graham never said
anything. “Go hang out with—”
“I
don’t want to,” I said quickly, cutting him off. “I need to
either be alone, or be with someone who knows what it’s like to
force yourself to keep moving.”
He
looked down at me for a few seconds before nodding. “Okay, let’s
go.”
“We’re
not staying here?” I asked when he bent down and started shoving
things back into my purse.
“No.
You want to keep moving, Grey. We can’t do that if we sit in that
apartment all night.”
I
took my purse from his hand, and turned to follow him out of the
breezeway, Graham behind us the whole time. Jagger opened the
passenger door of his car and shut it behind me after I’d slid in,
and I met Graham’s stare from where he stood a few feet from the
front of the car.
Graham’s
hand shot out, gripping Jagger’s arm as he went to pass him, and I
opened the door—ready for who knows what. It’s not like I could
stop them if they went at it.
“Make
sure she’s okay,” Graham demanded, his gaze hardening when Jagger
ripped his arm free.
“What
do you think I’ve been doing for the past two years?” he hissed.
“She is okay, she’s better than okay. Today sucks for her, but
you can’t treat her like she’s made of porcelain because it’s a
bad fucking day. She needs to talk about him; she needs to talk about
what happened. She doesn’t need the way you all stood there at the
graduation staring at her like you had no idea who she was.”
“Do
you see her?” Graham asked, getting closer. “Do you see how thin
she is?”
“Yeah,
I see her. I see her every day. She lost a lot of weight; she’s
also put on weight in the last few months. Give her some fucking
credit, Graham. Don’t just take Janie’s word for it—Janie isn’t
around enough to give you updates on her. You want to know how your
sister is doing, ask her yourself. Don’t tell
her
how she is.” Jagger didn’t wait for him to say anything else; he
stalked around the hood of the car and slid in to the driver’s
seat.
Graham
looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to stop me from leaving
with Jagger, or if he was relieved I was leaving. When I shut my
door, he put a hand over his chest in our silent I
love you,
and kept his eyes trained on mine until I put my hand over my chest
as well; nodding once as Jagger backed out of the spot.
Jagger
May
10, 2014
I
let my phone fall to the table, and sighed loudly as I rubbed my
hands over my face. After driving around with the music blasting and
windows down for a few hours, we’d come to one of the places we
used to always go to before Ben died. They had live music on the
weekends, and the best diner food in the area.
“Graham?”
Grey guessed, and I grunted in confirmation.
“He
just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“You
haven’t,” she began, but paused for a few seconds. “Have you
been giving him updates too?”
“Seriously,
Grey? Your brother hates me; I didn’t even know he had my number
until a few minutes ago. Besides, if I had, he probably wouldn’t
have said all that shit to you, and your family wouldn’t have acted
like statues at the graduation.”
“I
heard you say something about that to him before we left. So you
noticed it too, huh?”
“Wasn’t
hard to. My sister wanted to see you, but after we found you and saw
the way they were all just staring at you, she was afraid to say
anything.”
“Charlie
was there? Were your mom and brother there, too?”
I
stopped myself from rolling my eyes, and just shook my head instead.
“No. Mom was probably busy with her new boyfriend or husband.”
Grey
rolled her eyes at the mention of my mom’s boyfriends, and her lips
tilted up in a soft smile. “I doubt that was the reason she didn’t
show. But I wish Charlie had said something. I’ll have to call her
this summer, or something. I haven’t seen her in forever.” Her
mouth fell into a frown for a second before she turned to look at the
stage when everyone clapped.
I
hadn’t set foot in here in two years, and it felt strange, but
good, to be in here again. Almost like I could see Ben sitting on the
opposite side of the booth, right next to Grey. But just as soon as
the memory hit me, it was gone. “Do you ever feel like he’s
disappearing?” I asked suddenly.
Grey’s
head shot up, her eyes wide as she took in my words. “What?”
“Ben.
Do you feel like his memory is disappearing? Everywhere, all around
us.”
“All
the time,” she murmured and nodded absentmindedly for a few
moments. “I forced myself to stop buying his cologne, and there are
times I don’t remember what he smelled like. When I realize that, I
panic. I’m afraid I’ll forget forever, and I want to go buy
another bottle. But I know I can’t, I know it’ll just make it
harder to move on. I don’t—” She cut off on a quiet sob, and
covered her mouth with her hand as tears filled her eyes. “I don’t
remember what his laugh sounded like. I don’t remember the way it
felt when he held me. I’m afraid to go back to Thatch, Jag.”
“What?
Why?”
“I
don’t want to see his parents’ house and know that Ben’s been
completely erased from it.”
I
sagged into the booth and blew out a heavy breath. “Yeah, I’d
forgotten about that.”
Six
months after Ben died, his parents had moved. Not just to another
house, not just out of town. They’d moved across the country to get
away. They hadn’t been able to handle all the memories of Ben when
their only child was now gone. And in a town the size of Thatch,
there were memories everywhere.
I’d
felt the same, but now I was in the same spot as Grey. I was
terrified of forgetting him, and now I wondered if his parents
regretted leaving.
“So
what are you going to do?”
She
blinked a few times, like I’d just pulled her from somewhere else,
and after a few seconds she shrugged. “I’m still going back. The
apartment here isn’t much better. He’s the one who picked it out,
and all I ever think about when I’m in there is that he’s
supposed to be in there too. It’ll be hard at first, but I need to
go home. What about you?” Grey’s lips curved up in a rare smile,
and I felt myself smiling back at her until she spoke. “I always
pictured you just taking off. No one has ever been able to hold onto
you, and I feel like towns and cities are no different. I don’t see
you ever finding a place where you’ll want to settle down forever.”
Of
course you don’t.
My eyebrows pinched together, and I looked down so she wouldn’t see
anything she wasn’t supposed to. There was truth to her words, and
at the same time, she was so wrong. No one had ever been able to keep
me because I’d only ever belonged to her. I’d dated a handful of
girls in the first two years after leaving Thatch … if you could
call it “dating”, and had only ever had one girlfriend back
home—and that had been in hopes that it would get a reaction out of
Grey as much as it had been a distraction for me from the constant
in-my-face relationship of Ben and Grey. If Ben hadn’t died, and if
they’d gotten married, leaving is exactly what I would’ve done.
It was one thing to stay back, not saying anything to her, hoping one
day she would see in me what I’ve seen in her since we were kids.
It was another when I had to finally acknowledge she would never be
mine.
But
even though I wasn’t sure she would ever get to a point in her life
where she was ready to move on, there was no way I could leave her
now. She wasn’t mine, but she needed me. And I would be there for
her as long as she did.
“So
where do you think you’ll go?” she asked, and I looked back up at
her.
“Thatch,”
I said, my voice low and gravelly. “I belong in Thatch.”
About the Author
Molly McAdams grew up in California but now lives in the oh-so-amazing state of Texas with her husband and furry daughter. Her hobbies include hiking, snowboarding, traveling and long walks on the beach, which roughly translates to being a homebody with her hubby and dishing out movie quotes. When she's not at work, she can be found hiding out in her bedroom surrounded by her laptop, cell, Kindle and fighting over the TV remote. She has a weakness for crude-humored movies, fried pickles and loves curling up in a fluffy comforter during a thunderstorm...or under one in a bathtub if there are tornados. That way she can pretend they aren't really happening.
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